the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want her autograph on my taint
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize