Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
