We won't sleep together?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
