she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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