Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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