Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
