That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
