I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
