Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
