is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
