I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I haven't been this sober since birth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she peed on how many people?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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