Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
