and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
