i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
