She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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