last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
