Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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