Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
