i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
