woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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