You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
