Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
