just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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