Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
