Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
