I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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