I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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