I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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