i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
