The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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