You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
