Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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