Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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