i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
