If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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