Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize