Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
