His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had to cum in my sink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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