I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
