Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
