Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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