im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
