my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
