My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
