I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
