Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
