is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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