Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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