Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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