There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
