We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
