There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
