A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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