I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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