yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
