Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
