Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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