This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
