Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
