My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
