he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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