He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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