I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
