She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
