the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
