is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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