Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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