My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
