I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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