my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
