He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
